So, tomorrow (or perhaps today depending on how long it takes me to post this update) I leave for Germany. It's gonna be a hell of a trip. I will have my cell phone with me, but don't give me a call unless its an emergency, as it's ridiculously expensive. Feel free to send me e-mails though (alex . my last name @ gmail.com). and I will try and respond as best I can, though I don't know ow much computer access I will have.

I've been staying at my sister's house the past few days. It's nice up here in North Carolina, though things are a little slow going. Still, the weather is beautiful, and her house is massive. It's amazing how much more house you can get for your money outside of Florida.

I've still been thinking about Story a lot as well. I even dreamed about her the past few nights - it was odd, to say the least. I wonder if things would have turned out differently had I gone to Fetish Ball. I saw some pictures from it, and it looked really fun and amazing, I really wish I had been there. Oh well.

I feel Janus-faced right now, as I look back on the past months with sadness and happiness, with guilt and with anger. All the "what ifs?" keep running through my head. I've been thinking about what everyone has told me, what Story has told me, digging through my memories searching for explanations, causes and effects. Part of me wants to blame her for what happened, part of me wants to blame myself, and a third simply curses fate itself. We both made mistakes, yes, that's true. Still, it hurts to see all of those dreams, those castles in the sky lying broken, in pieces on the ground.

Were those dreams just sandcastles, to be washed away by morning tide?